Castaline: Friends Fornever, Dreams, and Other Tangents

The brain is a fantastically complicated thing! So many things that it controls and contains! Things that it even hides from it's own carrier. Dreams are interesting. The impact that they can have on a person. The very things from which we read about prophets having visions. Studies show that dreams can affect your mood for the day. I had a dream recently. I was waiting and while I was waiting I received a phone call in which I was told that one of my children had died (I think it was Brenna) The realization set in and I knew it was true and that it was real, that my child was dead. The pain was excruciating! More than I would have imagined! I became weak and shaky and literally lost physical capacity to stand and fell to my knees. That was the end of the dream short and..... sweet? But the emotions were so vivid! Is that how it would be if it really did happen? Would that be my reaction? Who knows? After that I really hope that I don't find out! My dreams affect me quite a lot. On more than a few occasions I have dreamt of something and have come to find it happening the next day! Weird! I'm sure I'm not the only one.
But there are other dreams that haunt me! Dreams that come just in time to remind me that I was forgetting the last one. A conundrum I've had for YEARS! No really, years! Like maybe 6 or 7! I have been wanting to write, but have been refraining because I'm sure I will sound like a big LOSER!!!!!!!!??? So here goes nothin and a lot of something. And do I give the readers digest version or do I explain so that I don't sound like such a poor sap? ANYWAY! I have to say, that once I have a friend that I have taken into my heart, they are there to stay! I very much love my friends and in different degrees esteem them as well as family! Friends are very dear to my heart! I have..... had? a friend who I was very close with I love....... loved? her very much! As much as my sister, but had a better relationship with her than I had with my sisters, so all the more. For whatever reason (I really have no idea!) we are not friends any more. This distance is not my doing, but after being slighted and snubbed quite a few times....... G... I got the idea. But it didn't change the place she held...... holds? in my heart. I didn't give up at first, but after a particularly icy cold shoulder, I decided I would stop doing this to my self! I decided to go on with my life and just forget her, not in a bitter way, but just move on so that I didn't have to carry the bleeding heart of a one sided relationship! I was determined! And I did! I didn't think or worry about her, wonder or even need for her friendship. I must say! Impressive! for I think about 6 months I was free!!! Free Free FREE!! Until!!! Until I dreamt about her!?!?!?!?!!! RRAAARRRR!!! DANG those dreams that awaken all of the feelings that I try to dispose of and forget!! Curse them that overthrow my hard won battles!!!!!!! (G- I sound frustrated!) So yes, my dreams...... The worst part, the most ridiculous thing about it is that as I said, it's not once in a while, it's not once every few months, or even every month, but sometimes every other day! And at least every other week!! Haunting! HAUNTING!!!! No I haven't figured out how to control my dreams (no I haven't tried either! ;) How can I ever move on and not long for one that I dearly loved if so often, so frequently, I dream that we are friends (man! I sound pathetic!) The most recent one (and this is getting embarrassing!) I dreamt that we were both at church and she paid me no heed, but I watched her and wondered why she didn't love me anymore? So I decided to ask her and she told me it was because I had personality flaws??? To best describe. But then I told her that I had changed and she was happy and she