Hard Times

Just so I don't leave you guys high and dry! Weeeellll....... Ok so I don't have any answers for you or me, to my GREAT dismay! But I do have a lesson if you will. I still have no idea what's going on! For now, unless something else should unfold, I'm thinking I will just assume miscarriage.... Something I've never understood before. I would hear of people having them, but never knowing what a toll it takes on you, or how it feels. So I was venting to a friend and she did help pull my perspective back to where it should be. I am soooooooo incredibly, unquestionably blessed that I have 4 beautiful children, all have come quite easily and this is (I'm assuming) the first miscarriage I've had! All the while the Storm rages on. (wow! I can't believe I'm writing this ridiculousness!) We went to Park City and vacationed for a week at a resort......... How can that not be relaxing, fun, exciting, etc.?!?! I couldn't feel anything but irritation! It's a curious ordeal not feeling this way. A kind of numbness; when that dentist drills into my teeth, I would feel it were it not for the anesthetic, but one would never dream of wanting that kind of effect emotionally, say, on a wedding night? A dark rain cloud for everyone else! Something like no matter how hard you bite holes or punch your cheek, you're just not going to feel it (until later! don't do that ;)! Or how hard you try to talk yourself into how this should be fun! And you should be happy! So I got a blessing from my Husband and Brother, and miraculously and so mercifully my feeling came back and I could be happy and enjoy my trip! Which to say the least, I don't believe there is comprehension for the amount of kindness and mercy our Father has for us! And as reminded in the blessing, these things happen for our experience. I have to say, I don't believe I have a short history of trials (not boasting! don't be jealous if I've had more trials than you! ;) not the easiest or most comfortable life. On reflection, I wouldn't change it. I've learned, and am learning not to ask why. Because, looking back, I've experienced so much! That's what it's all about right? Experience? To be able to understand first hand what someone else is going through... What value has experience? So much so that it's something that is included in our Savior's Atonement. When no one can understand or know how you're feeling or what you're going through, there is always the comfort of knowing that the Savior does! And every now and then, you are so richly blessed enough to be put in a situation where you also may gain experience and in turn may be that rare form of comfort to someone else is who is so desperately in need. No I wouldn't trade that, and I have to say that I am grateful for the value of "hard times". For the understanding that, I believe, there is no other way to gain. So a lesson: There is goodness in the hard times, although often not felt until after the trial.

Why is life so unfair? Why do bad things happen to good people? Simply because they have been blessed to become even better, and learn even more than the "bad guy" who has all the world but loses out on the Hard times. And even further those who just have yet to learn, to learn from the hard times.